Florida Fishing Reports

May 29 - Giant Trout - Sea Monsters - Hippy Shots - Night Snook

My buddy Randy from La Jolla was in town for the memorial day weekend and we managed to get in some fishing while he was here. I'd been chanting how much better the fishing is in Florida than in San Diego so the pressure was kind of on to put my friend into some fish or risk looking like a real idiot. We managed to catch a huge variety and number of fish which made me pretty happy. The species count while he was here included redfish, bluefish, snook, trout, ladyfish, lizardfish, mangrove snapper, and the wily sailcat. Randy totally outfished me but when you're guiding it's better to focus on your guest. In fact, some people claim that its HARDER to guide someone to fish than to actually catch fish. This must be the case because god knows I'm a much better fisherman than Randy. Report follows.

How's this trophy trout? The trout fishing was completely off the chain.


We were in fish right from the first cast which was a huge relief considering I'd mentioned how good the fishing would be like 400 times the night before.


You have to give this needlefish points for trying. How are the teeth on these things?


Sadly, at the end of the day, Randy was eaten by a huge lizardfish. That's what happens when you outfish the Hornetbear. Really bad stuff. Remember this at tournaments.


I styled this osprey with a hairdrier to get this shot. Notice how nice and poofy he looks.


I told randy this was a huge snook and to pose for a picture with it. Joke's on you buddy.


Action! Non Stop Action!


Pretty nice flounder! This flounder was lucky I didn't have a cooler or ice wih me. I think if you don't have ice to preserve the fish you're being a real putz by keeping it. keeping a dead fish on a stringer or cooking in the Florida sun is a great way to make them taste like crap. The secret to preserving fish is mix the ice with sea water. This makes a super cooled salt slurry which makes the fish preserve perfectly. Seriously. It's the best way to ice down a fish.


You just never know what you're gonna get out there...


Hippys love sunrises. They also love goofy hats. Therefore they love this photo.


Got out night fishing too. Didn't get anything huge but had some really big blowups. Actually, the night fishing was the toughest of all the  fishing we did. Night fishing is usually a total slam dunk but it was pretty tough going.


Another massive trophy fish for Randy. Well... He though it was.


Lots of mullet under the lights, too. Lights with lots of mullet don't seem to have that many snook.


Tons of bait everywhere but the snook just were not there yet. The tide was the last part of a incoming which just wasn't doing it. I think outgoing is better at night.


That was it for the fishing. I am going to say we pretty much scored. Super steady fishing and lots of variety. Now to dazzle you with some Jacques Costeau style stuff. read on!

the conditions were quite clear in this spot.


You hippys know you're all freaked out over this shot. You love it.


I felt pretty safe even though these were everywhere...


Sawfish! You never see those. What a tremendously skilled diver I am.


Jacks everywhere! What an incredible dive.


Whale Shark! Amazing! This is the dive of a lifetime!


Hey! What the hell are all these people doing standing around 50 feet under water? I've discovered Atlantis!

_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“When I found the skull in the woods, I called the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.”
- Jack Handy

AUGUST 27 – JACKS – SNAPPERS – TROUT – SNOOK – FISH APLENTY

Have been fishing in the early morning and late evening and it’s been pretty darn good. As long as you avoid getting electrocuted by the massive thunderstorms there’s a grip of fish out there. I’ve tuned into some hot spots and have caught a whole array of sea life.   I even caught a black drum which I’d never even seen in my local waters prior to this encounter. From dock lights to aimless drifting, once you tune into where the fish are it’s non stop catching. Report forthcoming.

This is not actually a harbor in Maine like it says…In fact, it’s now a big pile of rubble in Sarasota…


They wily black drum. I’d never caught one of these before and was happy to add him to the species list. Now all I need is a whale shark, monkfish and a coelacanth and I can retire from fishing and move on to big game hunting in Africa. This probably will happen in September. That’s when the coelacanths are in the intercoastal…


The elusive Sarasota catfish. A rare and cagey breed highly desired by sportsmen around the globe. I bet you guys in Alaska are dying to come down here and catch some of these beauties. Beware! Their poison spines are second only to their laser vision and spitting venom in terms of anglin’ danger! Truly a fine catch. Accolades to me.


There are SO many trout around right now. They’re everywhere and up to about 18 inches.


Mangrove snappers are the finest eating fish in the sea, besides pompano and steak.


This lure really produced. It doesn’t have much “wiggle” but everything was chewing these up. I had to bite the top off to get the jig to sit in there properly which is pretty nasty but, hey, I’m fishing and therefore things that are normally unacceptably gross are suddenly ok. Like throwing a cast net full of 3 week old greenbacks. Like reaching your hand into a hot bag of gulps. Like running ladyfish slime through your hair and laughing like you’re insane and talking to the fish and… You DON’T do that? Oh. Ok. My bad. Anyhow…biting the tip off really does work.


I’m not sure why this heron was standing on one leg. Maybe he had worked out earlier and was sore. Perhaps some hippies can shed some light on this behavior… He stood there for quite awhile. Fricking goofball heron…


This heron is behaving in a more traditional manner. I really like this shot because its so peaceful. What you can’t see in this picture is the loud fart I’m about to crack. HA! Take that nature boy!


This is primo snook habitat! I’ve caught some really nice fish here.


Wide open jack fishing right now. The lure can barely touch the water before getting exploded on. That is a really fun kind of fishing. Jacks drag you all around the bay. I was fishing in front of a house throwing a cocktail party and you could tell that all the dudes were dying to get out there. It’s my favorite kind of fishing.


Jack at sunset. I was using the strike king jerkbaits in ivory. Those are the ultimate lures for catching tons of fish because they are indestructable. They never snap or lose a tail, they just get kind of fuzzy, which the fish really seem to like. I also think white is the best color, period, end of story, for all conditions. High visability but still looks like a fish, not some chernobyl refugee.


You can see the magic lure hanging out here


This is when the fishing gets really good. This is also about 25 minutes before they alert your next of kin how good the fishing must’ve been.


This is primo jack fishing, right here… Hippies also will have something to keep them busy. Everybody wins here.

 
Are you serious? This is one lucky fish.


So, this story needs to be told. I’m coming back after sunset and catching fish everywhere. I’m catching short snook after snook under the docklights and finally I get to the best docklight in history. I lightly cast out and finally hook a serious gill rattling big snook. We tussle and the hook pulls next to the boat. The lure flies by my ear and completely wraps itself around the other pole, and I mean completely. I’m having the best snook fishing in months and I’ve managed to incapaciate not one rod but both that I’d brought. I seriously had to cut both lines and start over. After I’d stopped crying and pouting I managed to catch a few more fish but the magic had passed. That’s how it’s done. You don’t want to catch em’ all. Conservation minded anglers know it’s important to tangle all your gear into a tight ball right when the fishing gets really good.

Ladyfish were running through the lights too. This is a pretty big ladyfish…


Here’s a snook. These were all over the place after sunset. I had to stay FAR out from the lights to avoid spooking them. It’s easy to ruin a good light by getting too close.


A final hippy shot for you, starbeam! Now go wash your feet. I mean it.

_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“When I found the skull in the woods, I called the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.”
- Jack Handy

APR 3 – SNOOKS – JACKS – LADYFISH – LEEZARDFEESH – TROUTS

You really can’t complain about the weather right now. It just doesn’t get much more perfect that this. Light winds. Beautiful cloudless days with crystal clear azure water. Basically picture perfect Florida weather. I, however, plan to complain about the fishing. It’s thin! I haven’t gotten skunked lately but it’s been darn close. As in “oh thank you god it’s a lizardfish” close.  As in, “Whew, I caught this one eyed ladyfish” close. Why, a person might start fishing with bait it’s been so tough out there! Well. It’s not that bad.  But…man… it’s been tough going. I did manage to angle some fish up from the depths. And I took some pictures to prove it. These pictures span a few days…Report follows…

THERE IS MY NEW STAKEOUT POLE WHICH I WON IN THE FALL FS TOURNAMENT! THAT IS ONE NICE LOOKING STAKEOUT POKE. MUCH BETTER THAN THE BROKEN DOWEL I WAS USING. THANKS CAPT. DICK.


THERE’S A NICE LITTLE FLATS BOAT CRUISING THE INTERCOSTAL. I BET GIRLS HAVE GONE WILD ON THAT BAD BOY.


SMALL SNOOK, WELCOME ABOARD! NOW, HOLD STILL AND…SMILE!


THIS TROUT REPRESENTS 1000 CASTS WITHOUT A NIBBLE. I GUESS THAT’S A MILITROUT IF YOU’RE USING THE METRIC SYSTEM…


IT WASN’T ALL BAD ABOARD THE HMS HORNETBEAR. THIS WAS A PRETTY NICE SNOOK, REALLY.


I CAUGHT THIS FREAKY LOOKING ONE EYED LADYFISH. I HOOKED HER IN THE LIP, TOO. I SAID TO THE FISH, “LUCKY FOR YOU, MODERN CATARACT SURGERY ALLOWS AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST TO REPLACE YOUR CLOUDY LENS WITH AN ARTIFICIAL LENS, THUS REGAINING VISION IN THE RIGHT EYE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SAVE UP ABOUT 6500 DOLLARS OR GET DECENT LADYFISH HEALTH INSURANCE. I RECOMMEND A PPO PLAN IF YOUR WORKPLACE OFFERS IT.”


HERE’S A PRETTY STRONG ARGUMENT FOR SPENDING MORE THAN 14 DOLLARS ON FISHING RODS. I SWEAR THIS ONE CORRODED AND BROKE WHEN IT WAS EXPOSED TO THE NON AIR CONDITIONED ATMOSPHERE RIGHT OUTSIDE WAL-MART. IT’S A BERKELEY. BOOOOOO.


HERES A SHEEPSHEAD CARCASS THAT HAS BEEN KICKING IT UNDER MY DOCK FOR DAYS… I THOUGHT THE SHARKS WERE GOING TO EAT HIM?! I GUESS THEY WERE STUFFING THEMSELVES ON ALL THOSE CRYPTIC MORTALITY SNOOK…THAT I NEVER SEE… ANYWHERE…EVER…


HIPPIES REJOICE. IT’S A PRETTY FLOWER. UNFORTUNATELY, IT HAS NO FRAGRANCE. SO YOU’RE GOING TO CONTINUE TO REEK OF BODY ODOR UNTIL YOU BATHE. THIS FLOWER CAN’T HELP YOU. SORRY.


ORNITHOLOGICAL FACT: THE COMMON NAME FOR THIS BIRD IS “BLUE-HEADED AFRICAN MONKEY CHICKEN.” REMEMBER THIS SO YOU CAN IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WHEN YOU SEE ONE.


YOU GOTTA ADMIT THE COMMON LIZARDFISH IS A GUTSY LITTLE DUDE. THIS IS LIKE YOU OR I TRYING TO EAT A GERMAN SHEPARD WHOLE.


GOOD OLD RED HEAD AND WHITE BODY. IT’S A TIMELESS FISHING CLASSIC. LIKE HOOKING YOUR BUDDY WHEN YOURE DRUNK OR CATCHING A SNEAKER IN A CANAL.


MAN! CAN THOSE LADYFISH JUMP!


YOU’VE SEEN LOTS OF PICTURES OF HUGE SNOOK LATELY. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PICTURES.


OH! SWEET! CATFISH! DOES THE FUN EVER START?


THIS JACK IS THINKING, “I REALLY, REALLY HATE THIS GUY.”


HERES A CLOSEUP OF THE WORMS THAT LIVE IN THE TAIL OF THE COMMON JACK AND MAKE THEM NOT SO DESIREABLE TO EAT…


AND YOU THOUGHT THE OTHER SNOOK WAS SMALL! GOOD THING THIS CAMERA HAS AN OPTICAL ZOOM.


HERE IS A REALLY BEAUTIFUL LIZARDFISH. MARK SOSIN, LETS SEE YOU BOAT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS. THOSE TEETH ARE SHARP! I MIGHT GO AHEAD AND GET THIS ONE MOUNTED…


TROUT, YOU LOOK KINDA LIKE A COORS LITE. CONICIDENCE? I THINK NOT.


I JUST CAN’T RESIST A LADYFISH SHOT. I’M WEAK. I LOVE EM’


So. That’s the report! It’s been fun but I sure haven’t seen the giant trophy fish that I pretty much expect to see every time I go fishing. Tomorrow is another day.
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

FEB 25 - TROUT - TROUT - TROUT - LADYFISH - TROUT - TROUT

Oh, there's plenty of trout out there. Mucho trouto (that's Spanish for lots of trout). They're about 14 inches long and angry at the world. Filled with trout fury and ready to unleash it upon any unsuspecting lure that wiggles by. Terp and I got out on Saturday and caught some fish. We also enjoyed some gale force winds. Report follows.

Launched at 8:00 AM and headed out into the maelstrom. I got sick of waiting for Terp to do his extensive rigging ritual that seems to involve bungee cords, milk crates, waders, coffee and lots of other gear so I quietly paddled my minimalist rig out to the open waters.

Turns out I completely missed the photo op of the century because as Terp launched the H.M.S. Sanford And Son he managed to dump his milk crate, tackle box, rods and lures into the water next to the dock. He said it was a complete yard sale. You can imagine the photograph which this would've been... alas...

We met up at the mouth of the canal and saw RIK off angling in the distance. We decided it would be best to run through where he was fishing to make sure it was a total dead zone.

"THANKS FOR PADDLING THROUGH THIS AREA. THAT'S A REALLY BIG HELP, GUYS. I BET THAT WILL REALLY IMPROVE THE FISHING."


RIK hucked his lure at me but I knew I was safe. That lure never hits what its aiming for... We talked fishing and RIK described the monster trout he had angled up from the depths prior to our arrival. We invited RIK to join us in paddling to where the fish were but he declined the Herculean paddle back to the launch this would require. The wind was briskly whipping itself up to about 30 knots and we set off across the bay. In retrospect, RIK made a pretty good call.

MASTER ANGLERS CONTEMPLATING THEIR NEXT MOVE OR MAYBE THEIR NEXT BEER...


Terp and I paddled across the wind for about 15 minutes until we got to the hot spot. Terns were diving and feeding so we figured there must be some sea life thereabouts. We cast out our lines and immediately began to catch ladyfish, trout and other assorted species.

"SEE! I TOLD YOU THERE WERE FISH OUT HERE!"


THE WILY 8" SEA TROUT. MORE DIFFICULT TO CATCH THAN A 70lb TARPON WITH A FLY, SOME SAY...


AND, JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU REACHED THE APEX OF ANGLING MASTERY WITH AN 8" TROUT, THE ELUSIVE 5" LIZARDFISH REARS ITS MIGHTY HEAD


THIS PICTURE SHOWS ALL THE TOOLS YOU NEED FOR FISHING. EXCEPT THE EVER POPULAR SIX PACK LURE.


YEP. THIS PRETTY MUCH COMPLETES THE SLAM. THIS GUY HIT RIGHT ON THE SURFACE. THAT'S THE POWER THE PUPPETMASTER HAS OVER SEA LIFE. THEY CANNOT RESIST THE MAGICAL GRUB. ON THIS CAST, I CHOSE TO MAKE THE GRUB LOOK INJURED, BUT RECOVERING, WITH A MILD LIMP AND SLIGHTLY HUNGOVER.


TERP GAVE ME A HARD TIME FOR THIS PICTURE BUT I KNEW HE WAS HAPPY TO BE CATCHING FISH... AND WHO DOESN'T LIKE A PICTURE OF A LADYFISH? ITS A TIMELESS CLASSIC.


We were drifting briskly along and soon reached the far shore. Terp had reached into his massive utility belt and deployed a drift chute but I didn't notice a big difference in his drift speed. We discussed options and chose to get in the lee of the point to avoid the howling winds and salt spray. I knew there were no fish there but getting out of the wind sounded pretty good. We paddled through the middle of the bay and tucked into a known fishless area to practice casting and retrieving...

Then, to my amazement, Terp catches a jack in this dead zone. I accused him of bringing it from home in his milk crate but I suppose it may have been caught there... I immediately paddled over and sat right on Terps spot, and suggested he fish the seawall for awhile. I was unable to catch a jack so I'm completely convinced that the jack was imported from somewhere else. How else can you explain this complete outfishing of the puppetmaster? That's right. Trickery.

HERE'S THE JACK TERP PULLED OUT OF HIS WADERS FOR THE PHOTO OP.


OHMYGOD! TERPS FACE IS ON FIRE! SOMEBODY! GET A HOSE!


We rounded the point and things got back to normal. The wind kicked back up to a category 1 and I resumed catching trout. We also got to enjoy a long, difficult paddle into the wind. Fun! We stopped at a few canals and I snapped this action shot of me catching and Terp fishing.

SEE! THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT. IGNORE THE PRIOR OUTFISHING. THAT WAS JUST A STRANGE ANOMALY IN THE DATA.


TROUTS APLENTY!


REDFISH FILLETING FACT: YOU SHOULD STICK YOUR FILLET KNIFE THROUGH THE EYES. THIS MAKES THE CARCASS SINK TO THE BOTTOM SO IT DOESN'T FLOAT ALL OVER (LIKE THIS ONE) AND STINK UP THE JOINT. THE CRABS, SNAILS AND WORMS IN YOUR COMMUNITY WILL SURELY THANK YOU.


ALERT! HIPPYS! I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU! TAKE A GANDER OF THIS SPECTACULAR NATURE SHOT! NOW GO ARRANGE SOME SEASHELLS OR LISTEN TO A GRATEFUL DEAD BOOTLEG OR DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU DO.


MINIMALIST KAYAK FISHING SHOT. NOTE THE SIMPLE, ALMOST SPARTAN LAYOUT OF GEAR. LESS IS MORE.


We returned to the canal from yet another successful fishing adventure. Fin.
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

FEB 6 FISHING REPORT - JACKS! - SHEEPSHEAD - BLUEFISH

Greetings, gang. I've been traveling a ton... Which has really cut into my fishing reports. These pictures were taken over the last week. I'm not going to bother to separate them into days. I'm just too busy here in Las Vegas. But, I thought, the world needs to see some pictures of jacks.

Sooooo.... I said in the past that jacks were trash fish. Well, it turns out, they're highly desirable GAMEFISH. And, I know how to catch'em! So when I said no more pics of jacks and whatnot, well that was crazytalk. Jacks are total gamefish and now you'll see a grip of photos of aforementioned fishes.

THIS IS A JACK. GET INTO IT. NO SNOOKS HERE, BUDDY...


HORNETBEARS HAUS OF JACK ANGLING. IN HAWAII I'M A HERO


HIPPY! SOBER UP! THE LIGHT IS HITTING THIS PALM TREE PERFECT. PLAY YOUR TAMBOURINE...NOW!


I would like to digress right now into the nomenclature for jacks... The Jack Crevalle and the Jack Trevally are, as close as I can distinguish, the same fish. I think it might be a Creole name for the same fish. Like "drunk Creole" and "Mark Twain" My brief research on the subject backs this up...

http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/Gallery/Descript/CrevalleJack/CrevalleJack.html

You'll note the ichthyologicial data on the subject. Good question for the forum because I think there is a understood difference that I may not know. Please elaborate. Discuss. Drink. Discuss more. Debate shoe preference. Discuss. Drink.

With that said, back to the Jack photography...

22 INCHES OF FURY. UNBRIDLED FURY. LOOK OUT.


YOU CANNOT DENY THEY'RE A BEAUTIFUL FISH...


AND WILDLY ACROBATIC. WHY, THAT'S A ACROJACK!


THAT'S A STRIKE KING IVORY. THEY'RE INDESTRUCTIBLE!


YOU'LL NOTE THE BAROMETRIC PRESSURE ON MY WATCH...HIGH...BUT FALLING...THUS THE RED HOT BITE...


BLUEFISH RUN WITH THE JACKS. AND I CATCH THEM TOO. I THINK THE BLUEFISH FIGHTS HARDER THAN ANY FISH, POUND FOR POUND.


WHEN I HAVE A REALLY, REALLY GOOD IDEA, THE CLOUDS DO THIS...


THAT'S A FUNNY LOOKING DUCK. STUPID DUCK. YOU'D BE GOOD WITH SOME WASABI!


HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY. I'M GONNA GIT U! STOP DIVING UNDERWATER! I'LL SMACK YOU WITH MY PADDLE!


BEST DOCK LIGHT IN SARASOTA AWARD GOES TO... THIS GUY! I GET THE FEELING HE BOUGHT HIS HOUSE BEFORE THE REAL ESTATE BOOM...


A DOCK LIGHT THIS NICE DESERVES 2 PHOTOS...


IF ANOTHER PERSON SAYS THERE'S NO FISH IN SARASOTA, I'LL SMACK EM WITH THIS BLUEFISH! THERES TONS OF FISH, DaveR!


THAT IS A STUPID LOOKING DUCK. I'LL SMACK HIM WITH A BLUEFISH TOO. DUMB DUCK. WITH YOUR ORANGE EYE. PRETENDING TO BE A EXTREMELY RARE HERON. YOURE GOING DOWN.


THESE LURES GOT DETAILED! GET IT? DE-TAILED! I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!


IS THAT BUILT TO SPEC? WHAT DO YOU THINK MR. JACK?


OHHHHHH! GAMEFISH! I CAUGHT THIS ON AN 8WT WITH A CLOUSER FLY! OH WAIT. I THINK FLY FISHING IS RIDICULOUSLY STUPID. MY BAD.


"HORNETBEAR, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE YOU PUTTING ME BACK IN THE WATER. I'LL PRETEND YOU CAUGHT ME ON A FLY. I PROMISE. RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT, BRO! EVERYBODY LOVES THAT MOVIE!"


NOTE THIS BAIT IS A TRADITIONAL JERK. I HAVE PHASED OUT GULPS. THERE IS NO NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCE...EXCEPT WHEN YOU CATCH A BLUE CRAB...


THE LUCKIEST FISH IN THE WORLD.


"IS THAT A CUBAN? I LOVE THOSE. YOU CAN'T GET THEM HERE IN SARASOTA. HEY! THAT'S A NICE SUNSET!"


ATTENTION TERP! THE FISHING IS AWESOME IN FRONT OF YOUR PAD! WELL...THE FISHING IS GOOD WHEN YOUR NOT AROUND...


YOU DON'T SEE THIS EVERYDAY ON A LURE, GANG...


ATTENTION HIPPIES! SOBER UP! NATURE SHOT INCOMING!


AND ANOTHER! HIPPY SHOTS APLENTY! THROW YOUR HACKYSACK IN THE AIR AND WAVE IT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE!


NOTE TERP'S KAYAK SITTING DORMANT IN THE DISTANCE...


HORNETBEAR FINE ART SHOT


THE UNLUCKIEST FISH IN THE WORLD


And that does it readers! Another week has come to pass. Fin.
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

JAN 23 - LOVES LURE?! - TROUT - LADYFISH - DOUBLE HEADERS!!

Greetings fellow anglers. Managed to sneak out for a pre dawn fishing mission using only the loves lure? Madness you say? What would drive a person to this? Read on.

As he sun rose over the horizon, I thought to myself, "what the heck? catching fish is boring. Why not embrace the challenge of throwing a little pink bolo that only wants to wrap around itself and the pole? Now that's a challenge." So, off I went with my crazy lure flipping wildly to and fro, whistling merrily past my ear and tangling itself into a ball around the rod. You think fly fishing is an aimless exercise in futility? Try this!

Well. Who knew that you can actually catch fish on a loves lure? Turns out, amazingly, the little buggers work really, really well! I had to retie one of em' because it got repeatedly mauled by sea life. I retied with a loop knot which is superior to the goofy clinch knot that the lure ships with. Why, the tag end they leave on that thing is longer than the lure. It's a weed seeking missile that setup. I caught tons of fish the highlight being a big bluefish that escaped during it's photo shoot. Trust me. It was huge. Probably 140 lbs. (+/- 137lb) I had double headers galore and though none of the fish were remarkable in size I was amazed by the volume. I didn't even take pictures of most of them which, as you probably know, is totally unlike me.

THIS IS A LOVES LURE, OFTEN MISTAKEN FOR A VERY QUIET WIND CHIME OR A VERY SHORT UNDERWATER PARADE.


OH, YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING. KICK BACK. TAKE IT IN. NOW GET ON MONSTER.COM AND GET A JOB.


OHMYGOD! THE WORLD IS ON FIRE! JUST KIDDING, YA' DINGY HIPPY.


Untangled the lure from itself and the pole in the pre-dawn light and cast it out casually, assuming I'd be doing this over and over again with little to bother me.

So, what do you think happened? Did a comet strike the earth? Did a fish ride by on a unicycle reading the first soliloquy from Hamlet? No, friends, something even stranger occurred. The lure hit the water and a nice jack hit it! A fish. Yes, I said a fish. Ate a loves lure. At sea. It's amazing and it gets even weirder.

OK. THAT'S A JACK. I BETTER GET SOME LOTTO TICKETS TODAY...


Yep. A fish. So I untangle the lure from itself and the pole and again cast it out. Now, I'm confident that there is no possible way that any other fish in the sea can be as mind numbingly stupid as this jack I just caught. I mean, natural selection would've eliminated such a fish eons ago? right?

HEY! THIS IS A REAL TIME SAVER! I DON'T HAVE TO FISH ANYWHERE NEAR AS LONG THIS WAY...


Amazing! There are not just one but two fish that decided that they wanted to join the parade! That's 2 casts, 3 fish. What kind of crazy math is going on out here?

So, I untangle the lure from itself and the pole and cast it out yet again. This time I'm positive I wont catch anything. There's just no way. Lightning never strikes this many times, except in the wildly violent atmosphere of Venus... but that's another story for another time...

OH NO, YOU DID NOT EAT THAT LURE.


Ok. That's 3 casts, 4 fish. One of which is a bonified game fish. I turn to the loves lure and give it a long hard look, like its trying to pull a fast one on me. Or, like its possessed with voodoo juju. I slowly untangle it from itself and the pole and cast it out again. Yep. More fish. Everywhere. Can't shake em' off. I would catch one and let it run until I felt the next one hit the other lure. Trout, ladyfish, jacks and the aforementioned bluefish. Amazing. Utterly amazing.

EVERYBODY LOVES A PARADE!


Continued to untangle, cast and retrieve fish for the better part of 2 hours. Never really saw anything bigger than the bluefish but all in all I was pretty pleased...

GAME FISH EVERYWHERE!


DOUBLE HEADERS APLENTY!


Finally decided to pack up shop and head in.

I thought you guys would especially enjoy this because up until today, there is no photographic evidence of loves lures ever having caught a fish, let alone two fish at once! That's like catching a mermaid and a unicorn on the same cast! Fin.
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

JAN 22 - SNOOK - HIPPY SHOTS GALORE - HAWAII - UNDERWATER

This report will start out fairly traditionally until it gets all freaked out when I go to Hawaii. There, the fish change but the hippy shots stay remarkably similar even though there is a 5 hour time difference. Hippies don't know what time it is for gods sake! They're too busy with important stuff like... well... they just don't care about time. That's how they are. They love a good sunset, though.

Headed out from the dock in Sarasota. This was a beautiful day, slightly hazy, with a medium low tide, incoming. The fishing was a little lackluster but the day itself was nice.

HIPPY ALERT! NATURE FOOTAGE AHOY!


SMALL SNOOK ANGLED FROM LARGE OYSTER BAR. ONLY GULP SHRIMP WERE WORKING, BOUNCED SLOWLY ALONG BOTTOM.


An angling aside, I haven't caught anything on troll for a long, long time. Maybe a stray jack or two. That was a pretty dependable method of fishing for me in the summer and fall. I think that the cold weather may have made that type of feeding really slack off. I still get them on jerk baits but trolling? Almost never. Fishing is funny that way. Though, not catching fish isn't all that funny, is it? It's actually kind of sad.

THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PLASTIC LURE, NOT A GULP. THE JACK MENTIONED THAT HE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND HE WAS FEEDING BECAUSE OF AN INSTINCTUAL RESPONSE, NOT SMELL. I THANKED HIM FOR THIS VALUABLE INSIGHT AND THREW HIM TO A PELICAN.


REMEMBER WHEN I SAID "NO MORE PICTURES OF JACKS OR LADYFISH"? THAT WAS A LIE. I MEANT TO SAY "NO MORE PICTURES OF THE TOPS OF JACKS OR LADYFISH" THIS UPSIDE DOWN SHOT IS FAIR GAME. NOTE THE INTERESTING, DELICATE LINES ON THE GILLS. THEY'RE REALLY A BEAUTIFUL FISH.


Saw a yellow kayak in the distance which turned out to be PF forum member Seamus. He said he'd been catching tons of ladyfish, which I believed since the same phenomena had been happening to me. We exchanged some small talk. I paddled back out at sunset and I swear I saw a yellow kayak Waaaayyyy off in the distance. This would imply that seamus had fished for like 10 hours. HARDCORE! Might have been someone else, but, probably Seamus.

SEAMUS, READY FOR ANYTHING, WITH 4 RODS.


WHEN YOU HOLD A SNOOK LIKE THIS THEY LOOK PRETTY DARN FUNNY! WHAT YOU LOOKIN AT FOOL? HOW'S THAT THUMB TASTE? I HAD TO DO IT LIKE 3 TIMES. ITS A RIOT.


IT WAS QUITE HOT BUT THE FOG ROLLED IN A FEW TIMES. STRANGE WEATHER FOR THIS AREA.

SMOOTH WATER AS WE HEAD TO THE DOCK


This observation about the weather brings me to good spot to talk about weather and its effect on fishing. As you all probably know, low and high pressure systems spin and push across Florida year round. The rising and falling barometer has a definite relationship to the fishing. I often think that the temp and change in direction of the barometer is more important than the tides. Here's a brief guide to barometric pressure.

Hornetbear's Handbook On Barometric Pressure:

Preamble: Barometric pressure ranges from 28 - 31 inches Hg. The average barometric pressure is 29.92 this should probably be your benchmark. When the barometer is here this represents the effective middle of the scale.

1. High Pressure: This is pressure above 30 that is rising or hanging out there. Fishing generally sucks. This is those bluebird days without a cloud in the sky or extremely high cirrus clouds. I suggest really seeking out a tidally influenced fishing spot because the weather ain't helping.

2 High pressure, falling. This is radically better than high pressure rising. This represents a change in weather and I believe the fish really tune into this. Probably because about 24-36 hours after this starts happening it's going to be cold and windy. Who likes that? Nobody. I would say that when the pressure starts dropping, even if its high, the fishing will start to turn on. It can even be a blue sky. You'll usually see atmospheric indicators such as a lowering ceiling or new types of clouds.

3. Average Pressure. 29.92ish - Fishing is pretty good. I prefer when the barometer is falling through this area. Falling pressure is almost always better than rising pressure in my opinion but you don't get the shut off you may experience during extremely high pressure.

4 Low Pressure. Fishing can be extremely good during low pressure days. Often there will be low clouds, fog, low ceiling, etc. If the wind gradient isn't that large, low pressure systems are associated with the oily calm of overcast windless days. However, as the pressure gets lower and lower the odds of extremely bad weather rise exponentially. Hurricanes represent the lowest pressure on the planet and they are not known for their particularly good fishing conditions.

I think the area around 29.92, falling, represents the best window for anglin'. As you get to the extremes of the scale you will often encounter high winds (a direct result of the large differences in pressure). If you're on the extreme ends of the scale you should find a place with lots of fish because the weather is adversely affecting the bite.

With all this said, sometimes the fishing is just plain old good, defying any system. There are too many factors that influence the behavior of fish. You just gotta get out there. You never know.

After this, I packed up my stuff for a week in Hawaii to work. I managed to screw around a lot too. I was on the beautiful island of Maui. It ruled. What a place.

THE SUNRISE FROM THE SARASOTA AIRPORT. LOOKS LIKE THE PRESSURE IS FALLING FROM YESTERDAY, NO?


Brought some fishing gear but didn't really use it. The fishing from shore kind of sucks in Hawaii. There were kayaks to rent but I just wasn't feeling it. Spent some time snorkeling to get fish shots for the gang at home.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE ARE CALLED BUT THEY'RE REALLY BIG. MIGHT BE A JACK. HOW'S THAT PENTAX CAMERA? TIGHT.


Ok. This brings me to public apology time. In Hawaii a big jack trevally (over 10 lbs) is called a ulua. People love them. Eat them. Sashimi them on the beach. Check it all out at http://ulua-fishing.com/ So, when SteveG said jacks aren't a trash fish, he was pretty much right. Also, they devour ladyfish over there too. Love em.

We don't see a whole lot of SteveG these days but, well, he was right. Except about the sailcat which is a total trash fish and tastes like a iodine omelet. That's coming from a fisherman in Hawaii. We share lots of fish with the Hawaiian waters, actually. No snook though. There's a hybrid tarpon that lives in the rivers.

THAT SEA URCHIN DOESN'T LOOK ALL THAT SHARP...


PARROTFISH. JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.


JACQUE COSTEAU DU HORNETBEAR.


ANGELFISH? THIS COULD BE THE KEYS REALLY.


CORAL HEAD FROM BELOW.


THIS IS SOME TYPE OF FISH...


BUTTERFLY FISH RUNNING AWAY FROM SNORKELING HORNETBEAR


HIPPY SHOT, THOUGH I DON'T THINK MANY HIPPIES WERE STAYING AT THE GRAND WAILEA...


HIPPY! STOP LOOKING AT THAT SEASHELL AND CHECK THIS OUT!


YOU KNOW HOW TO CATCH THESE FISH? USE CHEERIOS. THEY SLAY THE KOI EVERY TIME.


HIPPY! ENOUGH WITH THE BEADED WRISTBANDS. LOOK OVER HERE!


OH LOOK. HUMPBACK WHALE. WISH I HAD A SERIOUS ZOOM. THEY'RE THICK IN THE MOLOKAI CHANNEL.


THE SURF IN HAWAII IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD. BETTER EVEN THAN SARASOTA DURING HURRICANE SEASON. HOOKIPA, WINDY BUT STILL PRETTY GOOD.


A great trip to Hawaii. What a place. I came home on the redeye and returned to FL. The weather here was almost the same but no wind when I got back. See you at the OLC!
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

JAN 10 - LADYFISH - JACKS - HIPPY SHOTS - HORNETBEAR.COM!

There are only ladyfish and jacks in Sarasota. There is no room for anything else. They have obviously run the other fish out and taken over the bay. If there ever was a redfish, snook or pompano they have all been forcefully relocated to Pine Island by the raw masses of jacks and ladyfish. No other fish could survive. I have been repeatedly struck by jumping fish, had lures break and suffered carpal tunnel syndrome of the lure popping hand. I have stopped photographing ether species because, well, the world only needs so many pictures of jacks and ladyfish. The fishing is so darn easy I'm thinking about taking out the fly rod. Shoot! I'm thinking about taking a lasso or coat hanger bent into a loop. I also have taken a grip of hippy shots for the unwashed masses. Report follows.

I headed out to angle up a giant redfish. Surely, with the beautiful weather, redfish would be lined up at the oyster bar, waiting for a snack. It was a fine day, about 78 degrees and spectacular. The breeze was light and from the east. However, the redfish were running scared from the masses of ladyfish...

OH! LOOK! A LADYFISH. THOSE ARE FUN TO CATCH. MAYBE I'LL CATCH 3000 MORE.


THE LADYFISH IS A BEAUTIFULLY FISH COVERED IN GOOEY, GOOKY SLIME.


HERE IS WHERE THE REDFISH SHOULD BE. I SWEAR IT WAS CRAWLING WITH TAILING LADYFISH.


"MOONFLOWER, DROP THAT HACKYSACK AND LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BIRDIE"

Caught more and more ladyfish. Switched to topwater and really started to catch billions of them. They were thick I tell you. Thick.

HEDDON LURES SUFFER FROM SUCK. THE EYELET SCREWS UNSCREW UNDER HEAVY FISHING PRESSURE. I'M COMPLETELY OVER THE BRAND. THEY ALWAYS BREAK.


YEP. THAT'S ANOTHER LADYFISH.


THAT'S A PRETTY BIG LADYFISH RIGHT THERE, BABY!


JEEZ! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT LADYFISH! AMAZING!


EVERYBODY WAS GETTING IN ON THE ACTION.


HIPPY! TAKE A BREAK FROM BUILDING THAT MACRAMÉ WIND CHIME AND LOOK AT THIS!


OK THIS IS THE LAST LADYFISH SHOT. I PROMISE.


BUT HARDLY THE LAST HIPPY SHOT! TRIPPY MAN. TRIPPY.


So, I was catching fish right and left. My hair was all matted with goo. My kayak was shiny with gook. I looked like a full on crazy person. But a crazy person catching lots of fish, which is slightly less crazy than a crazy person just sitting there in a kayak.

Then, a boat sights my frenzy and makes a beeline for my spot! They run right over my line and post up right next to me. Now, mind you, there are literally miles and miles of wide open fishing but these guys were unbelievable. Some boaters are just such amazing dinks. Really. I asked them what on earth their problem was. They apologized from their Mr. CB's rental. They said they just wanted to catch some fish.

Well... OK... Mr. ethical high ground can see where you'd like to catch some fish. And, well, I guess I don't actually OWN Sarasota bay... I let them have my spot and headed for home.

IF YOU LOOK AT THIS PHOTO YOU CAN SEE THE BOAT IN THE DISTANCE THAT ROLLED UP ON MY SPOT. THEY WERE DESPERATE. I FORGIVE THEM.


OHHHH! ARTSY!


NOW THAT IS SOME CRYSTAL CLEAR WATER.


HIPPY! STOP WORKING ON YOUR MEDIEVAL FAIR COSTUME FOR 2 MINUTES AND LOOK AT THIS!


I KNOW THERES A SNOOK UNDER THERE. I CAN SENSE HIM. THAT'S CALLED SNOOKAPATHY, FOR YOU NON-SCIENCE TYPES.


HERES KIND OF A BUDDHIST HIPPY SHOT...


I returned to the dock. Fin.

Well, not actually fin. I have been posting so many of these reports I realized I had kind of a personal online fishing database going. I would know where all the spots were and what fish I caught and all sorts of valuable info...

So, I went back to the archives to pull all the old posts and, HORROR, discovered that the database only goes back a month or so! So, many of these posts are lost to the ages. I still have the pictures but the commentary is lost to the ether of the web. You'll just have to remember it if you were there.

Those old posts sucked anyhow.

However, To save all this info for future generations of Hornetbears, and myself, I have decided to go live with

http://www.hornetbear.com

This helpful resource will allow me to keep all HB fishing reports for posterity. It's also chock a block full of sweet fishing links for y'all. Also, the advertising revenue will pay for the hosting! Its a stroke of genius, I tell you. However there's only 4 posts right now. Oh well. More hilarity will ensue. Click on the ad links while you're there. Now that's truly it. FIN.
_________________
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

JAN 1(ish) - HOLIDAY REPORT - WINDY - JACKS - TERP

Greetings. Managed to fish a few times lately in a variety of conditions. Met up with Terp on Monday we angled up some action. Fun fishing. Report follows.

Thought I'd open with a hippy shot... I can almost smell the B.O. this one is so darn beautiful.

AHHH. SOOTHING. LETS GO RASSLE UP SOME SEA LIFE.

I'm not sure of the exact chronology of these so I'll just kind of go from photo to photo with witty anecdotes interspersed betwixt them. Enjoy, readers.

YOU'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF THIS DURING THIS HOLIDAY REPORT

I have located a jack free for all area. Even Terp was able to catch them in this honey hole. They were everywhere. Working the seawall. Freaking out on the surface. Easy sight fishing for several days. But now they're all gone so DaveR don't even bother trying to jump that hole. Dead zone. Terp ruined it.

YOU'LL ALSO BE SEEING A LOT OF THESE LURES DURING THIS REPORT

"UMMM. SAVORY LURE, HOW PAINFUL YOU ARE. YET, I MUST HAVE YOU."

Saw something amazing and mucho uncool this day. Some yahoos renting a house on the water were WASTED and shooting a potato gun at pelicans and ospreys. I'm a pretty live and let live guy, with my vertical fish holding and whatnot, but, what a crew?! It was father, mother and kids all merrily chugging cocktails and discharging weapons. I keep fish and game in my cell phone and I called them (863-648-3211) but I don't think anything came of it. I should've taken a picture but I was a little concerned I'd be a even more fun target than a bird. Anyhow, it kind of sucked but I was catching a bunch of fish so, hey, what do you do? I don't think any pelicans procured painful pouch potato punctures.

"GET ME BACK IN THE WATER! THAT DRUNK GUY HAS A GUN!"

TOPWATER LURES ARE PRETTY DARN COOL. UNLESS THEY CATCH ON YOUR EARLOBE. THEN, THEY SUCK.

The following day the weather was breezy but the fishing remained very good.

WHAT A FUN FISH TO CATCH. THE WILY SARASOTA BLUEFISH. MUCH SMARTER THAN THE DIM WITTED TAMPA BAY BLUEFISH

YOU WANT HIPPY SHOTS?! TRY THIS ONE ON, STARCHILD MOONBEAM!

CAN ANYONE IDENTIFY THIS FISH? SMALLMOUTH? MUSKY? WALLEYE? I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE.

IN ENGLAND, THEY HOLD ALL SEA TROUT WITH THE PINKY FINGER EXTENDED. ITS CONSIDERED VERY POLITE.

NOT A GOOD FISHING SPOT. I SUGGEST FT. DESOTO. PEOPLE DON'T SHOOT AT YOU THERE. I DON'T THINK...

YOU ARE A VERY SMALL FISH. BEGONE. YOU ANGER ME.

LURES. BEAUTIFUL LURES. SHARP POINTY WORKS OF ART, REALLY.

Fishing was good and the winds continued to build. The next day was sunny and the wind was howling out of the south. I didn't care. A little wind will not keep the hornetbear from angling. I scoff at the wind. Except when I put my stakeout pole in the water and almost flip out of the kayak. Then I panic and curse at the wind. But that doesn't happen that often, really. It's mostly scoffing.

I met Terp out on the water. He had forgotten his anchor so he was briskly drifting into docks, mangroves, seawalls, et. al. I was fishing and I'm not totally sure what Terp was up to since he drifted away from me at like 7 MPH for the first hour or so.

CAUGHT THIS SWEET LITTLE SNOOK. TERP HAD CAUGHT NOTHING.

CAUGHT THIS SLOT RED. IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY YOU CAN SEE TERP DRIFTING IN THE BACKGROUND, CATCHING NOTHING.

CAUGHT SOME JACKS. TERP STILL HAD CAUGHT NOTHING.

Started to feel pretty bad for the terpenator. I told him I'd take him over to my honey hole where I take little kids that want to catch their first fish. He cheerfully agreed to this.

TERP, DO YOU WANT TO DO THE HALF DAY CHARTER OR GO AHEAD WITH THE FULL DAY?

THATS RIGHT. NO SKUNK FOR THIS GUY. HAVING FUN NOW.

Terp started to kind of slay the jacks. We were in em'! It was fun even though he was casting across my line and telling me to fish the oyster bed behind us. I just figured, whatever, its really about the client having fun.

THIS PICTURE REALLY TELLS A STORY.

ACTION SHOT! DOUBLE HEADER!

"DUDE THAT WAS THE BEST CHARTER EVER. DO YOU TAKE CHECKS?"

We paddled back in and called it a day. It was a beautiful but windy afternoon and the two master anglers again dominated the poor defenseless sea life. I pity the fool jack that tries to swim past Terp. I PITY him. Fin.
_________________
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

DEC 15-18 REPORT - SNUKE - ADVENTURE - CANAL - REDFISH!?!?

Amazingly, I caught a small redfish this week. I know. I know. It's unfathomable but there it was. All 15 inches of wild redfish fury a'flippin and a'floppin beside the kayak. Caught a bunch of other fish too and of course captured some priceless hippy imagery that you'll all want to check out. Report follows.

I can't really remember the exact dates and whatnot so this will be more of a ramblin' photo essay rather that my usual strict chronological account. That's just how it's going to be. Get used to it.

THERE IT IS. A DEBRIS RETAINER. LOOKS LIKE IT'S REALLY DOING A GREAT JOB, TOO.


I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT KAYAK SECURITY. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE JUST LAYING AROUND. EVERYWHERE.


FREE KAYAK! COME AND GET IT! THERE'S PLENTY TO GO AROUND. STEAL A PROP WHILE YOURE AT IT!


I CALL THIS PHOTO: "JACK AND JERKBAIT IN SILHOUETTE" or "MY GLORIOUS THUMB"


SO, THIS LADYFISH ACTUALLY JUMPED INTO THE KAYAK. REALLY. FISHING IS EASY ONCE YOU KNOW HOW.


WHOA. EVERYBODY LOVES THOSE FREAKING SHRIMP.


LIZARDFISH IS TRULY A GOOD NAME. BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A LIZARD. SEE? AND MAYBE THE NAME SMALLTOOTHYDINOSAURFISH WAS A LITTLE LONG.


NEW PENNY SHRIMP JERK BAIT?! HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?


GO AHEAD. PLAY YOUR BONGOS AND LIGHT YOUR INCENSE NOW.


NO SPOT IS TOO NASTY FOR THE HORNETBEAR TO ANGLE AND NO SNOOK IS SAFE.


RECOVERING ALCOHOLICS THROUGHOUT SW FLORIDA SHOULD WARMLY RECALL THIS FAMOUS SPOT


YEP. PULL OUT THE BONGOS AGAIN. IT'S TIME.


"OH, HI. I WAS JUST PASSING THROUGH. PLEASE RETURN ME TO THE WATER. YOU SEE, I BREATHE WATER, SO, YOU'RE KIND OF CHOKING ME, WHICH SUCKS. AND MAYBE I COULD HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SHRIMP THINGY'S. THEY'RE REALLY GOOD."


I CALL THIS SHOT "PEACEFUL SEAWALL" or "PRIVATE PROPERTY KEEP OUT, DIRTBAG"


ONE MORE SEAGULL IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT AND YOU'LL WIN THIS GAME OF TIC-TAC-TOE AGAINST TEAM OSPREY


RUMOR HAS IT THIS IS TOM CRUISE'S NEW HOUSE. THIS DIGITAL CAMERA WILL PAY FOR ITSELF YET!


OHHH. WHITE PELICANS. SO GOOD WITH GARLIC AND BUTTER.


ITS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT IN PELICAN SOCIETY, WHITE MALE PELICANS ARE ACTUALLY THE MINORITY AND PROBABLY DISCRIMINATED AGAINST.


OH I CATCHY THE SNOOKY. YEEEESSS. NO PROBLEMO. ALL DAY LONG. SNOOKY SNOOKY, COME TO THE HORNETBEAR.


THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY NICE FISH. MAYBE EVEN SLOT. SEASONS OVER THOUGH. RUN ALONG.


HERE IT IS! THE SHOT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!


REDFISH! UNBELIEVABLE. EVERYBODY LOVES THE SHRIMPY!


And so another week of fishing has come to pass. Fin.
_________________
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson