APR 13 - TROUT EVERYWHERE - GALE FORCE WINDS

Here is the secret to catching fish. That’s right. The one absolute certain way to slay all forms of sea life and dominate your local fishing area. Do not tell anyone. Also, do not go publishing this on the internet on some kind of public forum either… I mean it.

1. Buy the Newspaper.
2. Read the outdoor section VERY CAREFULLY.
3. Absorb everything.
4. Reread mission critical sections if you have to.
5. Commit it all to memory as you will have to call upon it whilst out angling.
6. Now go out and do the exact opposite. That’s right. I said it. Opposite day, every day.
7. If it says no trout, be sure to go trout fishing
8. If it says fish in the morning, the night is the ticket.
9. Turn the fishing graph upside down and use it that way.

The newspaper is trying to trick you and you must fight the urge to believe it. That’s the same newspaper that said, “2004 worst hurricane year ever!”  That is also the self same newspaper that said, “Real Estate Continues Mercurial Rise!” I mean, who would put all the best fishing spots in a public newspaper and sell it for 50 cents?! That’s almost as stupid as putting it on the internet for free! These articles are just meant to deceive the unwary angler. Consider the local “fishing report” debunked. I have spoken on the internet, under an alias, so you KNOW its true. Trust me. Report follows…

I read in the local fishwrap that the trout fishing had completely shut off and there wasn’t a trout ANYWHERE in Sarasota.

“Worst trout fishing in 20 years.” The headline read.  “Guides unable to locate spotted sea trout anywhere.” it proclaimed.

As a conspiracy theorist, I knew what this meant. The newspaper was, once again, trying to hide something. I immediately suspected that the trout fishing was turning on in a big way.

I grabbed all my ultralight gear and headed for the closest grass flat, stat.  I was rewarded with, of course, wide open trout fishing. They were everywhere. None were bigger than 22 inches but man they were thick. Every cast thick. I’m sick of catching sea trout thick. Somebody send a ladyfish over here thick. It was 6 year old nephew fishing easy.

RED TIDE KILLED EVERY TROUT IN THE WORLD EXCEPT THIS LUCKY SURVIVOR, APTLY NAMED “LUCKY THE TROUT”


I BET I CAUGHT 100 OF THESE IN 2.5 HOURS


IT WASN'T ALL TROUT FISHING THOUGH. EVEN THE WILY SAILCAT MADE A CAMEO...


I WENT THROUGH ALL MY WHITE LURES AND HAD TO SWITCH TO GREEN WHICH REALLY SLAYED THEM.


“IF YOU COULD READ, I’D SHOW YOU IN THE PAPER THAT YOURE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE”


The WIND was cracking. Oh man. I am sick of all this wind. I’d go as far as to say that the wind blows. It was whipping across the bay making for quite a brisk drift. There were whitecaps and sea spray and generally sucking conditions. Good thing there were fish. I just went with it and would drift along various flats merrily catching sea trout. The worst part about the wind is if you can’t get a fish instantly unhooked you start to really lose position on the flats. I’m ready for the doldrums of summer. Bring it on.

LOOK! SPOTTED TARPON! THAT’S AMAZING!


TAKE A GANDER OF THIS FREAKING MONSTER. WHATS THE IGFA RECORD ON 30LB LEADER? I SHOULDA BROUGHT MY CERTIFIED SCALE…
 Winslow Homer


YOO HOO? MR. HIPPY? YOU OUT THERE? TAKE A LOOK AT THESE TRIPPED OUT CLOUDS, DUDE.


UH OH. HIPPIES LOVE TRIPPED OUT CLOUDS BUT HATE MUSCLE BOATS… DILEMMA!  DRUM IT OUT, BROTHER. DRUM IT OUT.


TRAGEDY! THIS JACK WAS HUGE. LIKE 35 INCHES. I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM… PROBABLY GOT FOUL HOOKED. OR DECIDED THAT, IN THE LIGHT OF RECIENT WORLD EVENTS AND THE INSTABILITY OF HIS AGGRESSIVE REAL ESTATE SPECULATION, LIFE JUST WASN’T WORTH LIVING ANYMORE. HARD TO SAY


OHHHHHH! THAT’S A NICE LOOKING LIZARDFISH. I REALLY, REALLY NEEDED THAT CERITIFIED SCALE TODAY…


LOOK AT THE TAIL OF THIS LURE. SHEEPSHEAD? PINFISH? BRITISH PERSON?


YOU WANT TO WEAR A SLIVER COLORED WATCH WHEN CATCHING TROUT BECAUSE THEY MATCH REALLY NICELY.


HEY! WE’RE TROUT FISHING OUT HERE. SPLIT, PUNK.


MANY SPECIES WERE CAUGHT. ALL WERE RELEASED. THIS ONE IS PRETTY TASTY THOUGH. NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO WITH JUST 1 MANGROVE SNAPPER. TABLE FOR .3 PLEASE!


NOTICE THAT THIS GUY DIDN’T EVEN CARE IF THE LURE HAD A TAIL OR NOT…


Man! The fishing was fun. Nothing really phenomenal in terms of fish but it was fun and steady fishing. What’s exciting about fishing is you just never know what you’re going to see next. That’s the cool part. It’s the thrill of the unknown. The fact that the big one might be just around the corner… Fin.
_________________
http://www.hornetbear.com
“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson

Comments

[La Pantera Rosa]

Hey Spanky what's the email address so we can send photos?

[La Pantera Rosa]

Is this site only for Kayakers? If I fish from a SMALL flats boat but have a kayak I don't use do I suck? I am not feeling the love for fishermen with boats. My boat is too small for women to get wild on. (well maybe one} which is probably the same for kayaks. So can I read this webpage? Also you CAN catch fish with spoons.I caught about 30 Spanish Macks, 20 Blues and who knows how many of your Favorites the Ladys, with a spoon this Sat. Problem is you need to lose that huge snap swivel that's spooking the fish, tie flourocabon to the spoon then put the ball bearing swivel at the junction of your leader and line. Let me Know if I'm in the LOOP , Slick Willie