DEC 5 - POST EEF DEBACLE - HORNTBEARS FISHING MYTHS & LAWS

Greetings all. It's been quite a week. I thought, for a change of pace, I'd talk a little about fishing and possibly show some pictures of fish. Just throw it out there, so to speak. Report follows.

Only took one photo at the EEF tournament. I was really too busy hauling in my gill net to focus much on photography. Those things are freaking heavy! I did manage this lovely shot which will surely make some tambourine shaking hippies out there smile...

BEAUTIFUL. NOW I'LL JUST HOOK UP THIS CAR BATTERY TO THIS SHOCK POLE AND GET TO FISHING!


That's all that happened at the EEF (for me anyhow) I did manage to catch a 16" redfish which broke a 3 month redfish drought. I didn't get a picture because I was using the disposable camera provided by the EEF.

Now its on to today's report... A tale of ethical angling, adventure and long boring stretches of aimless drifting.

I left the county easement at 8:00 and headed out to fish. It was a gray and nasty morning so the hippies aren't going to get much on that front. Caught a big trout right off the bat. Forgot my law stick in the car but I'm estimating it was about a 86" trout.

WHERE WERE YOU ON SAT? TOURNAMENTS ARE STUPID UNLESS I WIN THEM. THEN THEY RULE.


Caught a few more short trout and the sun came out. It was getting much nicer and I considered wading. I almost never wade and it has to get pretty darn warm for me to do it. I don't like getting any mud or water in my kayak, either. I also don't like wading on anything other that perfect white sand bottom. this brings me to:

HORNETBEAR'S 3 LAWS OF WADING

1. If your flip-flop sticks in the mud this is not a good spot for wading and there are no fish nearby.

2. If the water is cold or even cool when you touch it with your flip-flop clad foot this is not a good spot for wading and there are no fish nearby.

3. If you see an oyster or anything else that looks sharp (stingray, bicycle, butcher knives) this is not a good spot for wading and there are no fish nearby.

Wading is easy and often results in great fish if you know the 3 laws. I continued to angle my butt off and caught the usual smattering of undesirable by-catch.

56" SNOOK


WHOA! A 49" PERMIT!


LURE SO SAVORY. MUST EAT. UMMMMMMM.


"HEY! IS THAT A WILDERNESS KAYAK? HOW YOU LIKE THAT? BLUES A GOOD COLOR. COULD YOU PULL THIS HOOK OUT FOR ME? THANKS."


TARPON! UNBELIEVABLE! THAT'S A SLAM!


After all that action and the coveted inshore slam I threw on my new top secret lure. A lure so steeped in secrecy that even the CIA, FBI, OLC and EEF are unaware of the enormity of my discovery.

BERKLEY GULPS JUST RELEASED NEW STYLE. XMAS SWIM SOCK.


MORE SNOOK. THAT'S KIND OF MY "THING"


FINAL SNOOK. BACK TO THE DOCK WE GO.


And that ends another fine report. The first true report with photos since the event which shall go unnamed because it is just so unbearably boring to rehash again. I feel better. I will close with some very popular fishing myths i'd like to debunk.

HORNETBEAR'S 3 MOST POPULAR FISHING MYTHS

1. Pufferfish. There is just no such thing. No photographic evidence. Never seen one. I hear the puff up or something but they're clearly imaginary. "Oh the pufferfish ate the tail off my lure" Right... Or the Lure Leg Fairy came and got it and you'll get a nice shiny spoon under your pillow... stupid mythological fish.

2. Tailing Redfish. No such thing. Never seen one. Some limited photographic evidence but I'm pretty sure theyre some kind of leopard mullet. Redfish simply do not tail except in children's books with unicorns.

3. DOA Shrimp. A fish is about as likely to eat one of these as it is to walk or ride a bicycle. Never seen a fish caught on one of these. No photographic evidence. Any fish caught on one of these should be put on a suicide watch as it clearly impaled itself on purpose.
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“I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.”
- Marge Simpson